White Space:
The Magic Ingredient for Your Busy Life
Part 2
If you missed last quarter’s Part One, click here to read it in our archives.
3 Obstacles to White Space
Wanting It All
Choosing is painful for those who love to do everything and try to cram the maximum into their busy lives. Choosing is a loss, and the fear that we would let go of the wrong thing prods us to try to juggle it all. But at what price? Are your children getting used to recognizing you as a blur racing across the house? Has your busy brain gotten so ramped up that it waits for you while you sleep and attacks as your eyes first crack open?
I’m Just a Girl Who Can’t Say NO
Whether you’re male or female, with or without a petticoat and a Broadway tune, the inability to say NO is one of the most common corruptors of White Space. We overcommit for a wide array of interpersonal reasons. See if any of these fit you; You feel guilty if you say no. You feel like a failure if you can’t take on everything you are asked to do. You like to take on everything so you can see it’s done RIGHT. Here’s a simple program for improving: Answer all requests with “May I take 24 hours and get back to you?” When the interpersonal contact is temporarily broken, the intellect kicks in and can make rational decisions.
Denial
I meet folks every day who say they are actually not overwhelmed. To some I say, “You’re right! Congratulations.” To some I wish I could say, “Let’s ask your adrenal glands.” Research shows that Emotional Intelligence (EI) may actually be significantly more important than cognitive ability and technical expertise combined. In fact, some studies indicate that EI is more than twice as important as standard IQ abilities. A key factor of EI is called ESA or Emotional Self Awareness and ironically the score in this area of competency can be reduced when one is stressed, over-busy or tired. Translation; when you are overwhelmed it is hard to know you are overwhelmed.
3 Ways to White Space
White Space for your Calendar
Every week scan your schedule and look for the spaces between events. Protect them like your firstborn. Remember daily that everything takes longer than you think it will. Ask yourself spotlight questions like, “What can I let go of?” and “What should I have turned down in the first place?” Slowly you will develop a heightened pre-regret awareness that will kick in at the moments when you are committing to things outside your central focus areas. All calendars should have spots of White Space in them, and you must vigilantly protect every inch. If you don’t, others needs, inertia and the discomfort of self-prioritization will contaminate your willingness.
White Space for your Meetings
Often the most purposeful times we assemble to create and problem-solve are the least productive. Alternately many times we go to a conference or meeting to seek answers and leave jammed with every conceivable idea except for the one that would address the issue vexing us. Try this - Next week at your staff meeting let the agenda be all White Space. You are creating a container for miscellaneous distractions, conflicts and unspoken issues to be aired and solved. You may want to employ a facilitator but no plans, no list, just a white board, markers and spotlight questions like” What is on your minds?” "Where are people stuck?” Try this as a problem-solving breakout at your next conference. Your attendees will relish the ability to cull from the wisdom in the room without having to do it in the hallway.
White Space for your Family
Give a huge gift to your children. Do nothing in front of them on a regular basis. Show them that relaxation and daydreaming should not be met with guilt but with delight. Let them get to know their bodies, minds and imaginations through the White Space. If you want to take the advanced course, try an occasional White Space weekend. Pick a weekend on the calendar and enter a family pact to plan nothing at all. Then get up on that Saturday morning, pour a little O.J. for everyone, and reclaim the invigorating feeling of making your life up as you go along.
When we finally have some White Space it is hard to enjoy it. The call is powerful to do more and to not “waste time.” We have inside of us that part that asks perpetually and persistently, “Vadyelse?” And yet, most of us know that every old person we respect, every spiritual track and every deepest wise part of ourselves whispers the same message: We are seeking the infinite were it cannot be found. Full doesn’t fill us. The experience of relishing time and being present for our lives IS the only prize.
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