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Seven Stages of Surrendering a Blind Spot

You’ve done a 360 or had a performance review; received a wake-up call from your coach and perhaps even from your family; your behavior is leading to unintended outcomes. You have a blind spot. You have now been through the hardest aspect of blind spot removal- the reveal. What’s next is a multi-stage process of eliminating the behavior. Let's follow along...

Stage 1 - Denial: The unmasking of a blind spot pulls the rug out from under us. Suddenly we become aware that we are perceived differently than we thought. A common first reaction is a rejection of the idea, followed quickly by defensiveness. 
Spotlight Questions: Is any part of this feedback true? Am I being/feeling/appearing defensive?
Assignment: In quiet we are given clarity. Go to your favorite coffee house with no belongings except your wallet or purse. Turn anything on your person with an on-off switch to off. Sit for 30 minutes and think about the behavior in question. Do not resolve to change anything, just look at it.

Stage 2 - Impact: The impact of a blind spot’s accuracy may be sudden or it may come almost in slow motion. Regardless of the pace, this stage is the moment when we own the feedback, and can suddenly see its validity. 
Spotlight Questions: Can I go easy on myself about this? Do I know anyone who reached their best without hard work and even failure?
Assignment: Locate emotions physically. Inhale into the areas that feel constricted or agitated. 

Stage 3 - Inquiry: Here we become curious about the unanimity of feedback. It is common to casually collect data from various sources to corroborate or round out information given to you. 
Spotlight Questions: Who do I trust enough to ask for their take on this matter? What’s the worst that can happen if they are invited into my process?
Assignment: Ask three people for their experience of you in the relevant area. Extra credit for asking someone who earns less than half of your salary. 

Stage 4 - Review: Pop a bowl of popcorn and sit back as your life flashes before your eyes. Not the whole life, just the scenes of your movie that would be chosen for a montage on your blind spot...
Spotlight Questions: Where might this behavior have hindered me in the past? Do I owe anyone an apology?
Assignment: Think of three negative interpersonal incidents of the past. See if the behavior in question has played a part.

Stage 5 - Epiphany: This is the exciting moment when the painful part of the process wanes. With open-mindedness we now fully accept the feedback given to us and move into action steps to eradicate it.
Spotlight Questions: How would my people skills be enhanced if this one behavior was magically lifted? Who would enjoy/trust/respect me more?
Assignment: Tell at least one person what you are up to. Growth that isn’t shared stays small. This is a great time for coaching. 

Stage 6 - Mindfulness: We now become watcher to our own play. Distanced from the character that is us, we can observe seconds after the fact, when slips occur. They are frequent and forgivable. For many people and for core behavior patterns, this is the end of the process and becomes a point of arrival.
Spotlight Questions: Where is this behavior still popping up? Can I accept a perfectly imperfect track record from here forward?
Assignment: ABC week. The acronym is for Antecedent: Behavior: Consequence but the process begins with "B". As you learn more, see if you can catch your B" behavior, the "C" consequence and then loop back to identify the "A" antecedent. Do you falter when stressed, tired, or intimidated? Use the awareness to anticipate triggering events.

Stage 7 - Nostalgia: The last stage is not always reached. For the lucky and hardworking there is an element of grace that joins the process here. The remaining shadow of the offending behavior simply slips away.
Spotlight Questions: Am I patient with others who are earlier in the stages? What’s my next blind spot?
Assignment: Arrange 360 evaluations for your whole department. Both the misery and the elation of your recent experience deserve some company.

Micro-Meditation: Racing Within

In the challenge of our busy lives it is hard to take time to press pause on the frenzy and let our poor little adrenal glands take a time-out. Twenty minutes or so of meditation would certainly do the trick but so few of us can make that happen in real life. Therefore in the following section you will find what we call Micro-Meditations; little bite size chunks of peace, perfect for your on-the-go life.

Sometimes the pressures we feel come from within. As the pace of life all around us quickens, this technology-driven rhythm can drip into us until we run as fast inside as the world does on the outside. The litmus test to see if your internal system is racing is to watch how you react to getting directions or instructions from what I call a Slow Teller. If you are from an urban area, and have ever traveled through the South, you may have experienced the most extreme version of this phenomenon. Try this: next time a response comes to you that is slower than your driving mood would like; thank them. Say inside your head "thanks for slowing me down," and use the conversation as a moments rest from racing through the day.

Parenting Corner: Relish Your Title

Whatever the age of your children, it can sometimes grate the nerves when they call out to you; "Mommmy" "Maaaa" "Moooom!!" "Dad" "Daaaaaaaddy!!!!". When you feel worn down by being summoned or demanded upon, take a moment to go back and remember what those titles really mean. For their entire life there will only be one Mom and Dad. Every male and female relationship they have will walk in the footsteps of the template you create. In hard times there will only ever be you as the absolute beacon for them. Relish being Mom. Relish being Dad. The sweetness of our titles is one part of parenting that won’t be over in a heartbeat, but can still be missed.

Meeting Planner’s Corner: Fun For Your Fingers

I wish I was still a meeting planner for the sole reason that I never got to use these adorable party utensils. Don't let your guests be challenged one minute more by the task of balancing their plate and their drink. Pass out these cuties right before the guys with the silver trays walk in and the problem is solved. Check out the other ideas on Fred and Friends party section. From shot glasses made out of ice, to one-piece easy to use colored chopsticks, let your next event be spruced up with these terrific items.

www.worldwidefred.com/fingerfood.htm  

Baking Tip: Oooey Gooey Bar Cookies

Mix a box of confectioners sugar, two eggs and an 8 oz bar of cream cheese and pour over your favorite bar cookie recipe. This topping takes an hour to cook at 350 so you must pick a recipe with matching time or your crust will overcook. This is worth the research…gooey and fabulous. Keep this away from your carb-o-phobic friends. 

And Lastly…

If you have not been, check out our fabulous web site www.julietfunt.com, featuring Juliet’s hilarious video demo. 

Do you know a company or association that might be looking for an uplifting and relevant speaker for their next West Coast meeting? Don’t keep us a secret!!

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